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“When Maxine learned lipstick has a melting point of 130 degrees Fahrenheit, she finally believed in climate change.”
“Back in my day, we had to get up early to get the worm. Now, there are feeders everywhere… So, why bother?”
“We’re having hot dogs, potato chips, and beer. Not because it’s traditional; it’s because we’re sick of 250 days of salad!”
“I never said inground; I said on the ground.”
“WE DON’T PLAY PICKLEBALL. WE DON’T GO TO THE CLUBHOUSE. WE DON’T GO TO THE POOL. WHO SAYS I NEED TO BE AN ACTIVE ADULT?”
“I’ve got cottage cheese thighs and a lawn that looks like shredded wheat. That’s how I am.”
“Every day I have an exercise goal. Today, it’s walking to the bakery to buy Dot Cakes.”
“Today’s horoscope says you’re not interested in money or materialism. My horoscope says the more you buy, the more you save. We’re aligned with the universe.”
“Boob sweat, dry cracked feet, melting make-up, ingrown hairs…. I love summer.”
“Where are the pickles? What time did you put the chicken on? Why didn’t you buy Hawaiian rolls? Who’s bringing seltzer?”
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