Category: Business

Plan On It

"Let's plan on making better plans for our next planning sessions."
“Let’s plan on making better plans for our next planning session.”

Fair & Off-Balanced

"Our ethics team discovered the muffins were in fact, not all gluten free."
“We’ve got a few fairly honest employees who aren’t too busy Friday afternoons – That’s our ethics team.”

Total Recall

"My phone's been recalled, my car's been recalled and now the hummus... So, when you ask me what's wrong, that's what's wrong."
“They recalled the car, the phone and now the hummus.Sure do miss those old-fangled, moth-eaten product quality & safety requirements.”


"We're ending pension contributions for active employees, because that's what piggy banks are for."
“We’re ending pension contributions for all active employees. At the holiday party, we’ll hand out 15,000 piggy banks.” 

Dog Performance Reviews

"Someone's been marking the conference room rug."
“Your composure during thunderstorms – tells us you view problems as opportunities.” 

Focus Groups

"They're reorganizing, consolidating and cleaning out. I't soffial - no more refridgerator in the breakroom."
“We are entering the decision making phase in the reorganization and consolidation of the break-room refrigerator.”

Set It & Forget It

"End of year, fourth quarter - time to whip out the old crockpot magic."
“It’s year end, fourth quarter – Time to whip out those slow-cookers and get busy.”

Work Life


"Let's just stick with cafeteria talk - Like what's the soup of the day."
“If they can stay on task without checking their phone, hire them.” 

Get Proactive

"Instead of trying to understand why people quit their jobs - We're just going to keep pretending everything is fine."
“Too many good workers are quitting. That’s why corporate wants us to intervene with cupcakes for all birthdays and service anniversaries.”

Customer Disservice

"Quality and integrity are good points...I suggest you shop elswehere."
“Quality and integrity are important. That’s why we’re recommending you shop elsewhere.”