What Planet R You On?

May 21

"Televangelist defends $65 Million for private jet... We've got a used spacecraft for that Dreamer."

“Televangelist defends $65 million for private jet…  Yo Dreamer, we’ve got a used spacecraft for sale.”



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Meanwhile I’ll Be…

May 21

"Endless online articles on masturbation...  My weekend stress reliever will be wine and good potato salad."

“Endless online articles on masturbation… My weekend stress reliever will be cheap wine and a good potato salad.”



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Safety First

May 20

"Our Takata airbags have been recalled... So, dealership then dinner?"

“Our Takata airbags have been recalled… So, dealership then dinner?”



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Overheard Over 50

May 19

"You're calling it sexting, I'm telling you it's bra shopping."

“What you call sexting – I call bra shopping.”



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No Boss, No Problem

May 18

"Deciding where to go for lunch each day is not leadership."

“They’re eliminating traditional managers in favor of self governing circles, squares and a trapezoid.”



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Pharm Aid

May 16

"Your  office visit today will be $25... But this prescription annully cost you the same as a condo."

“This prescription costs as much per year as a condo… Or would you rather just wing it?”



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Average High/Low

May 15

"I'm either hot, cold or stressed."

“Hot or freezing or stressed – That’s how I roll.”



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