Jul 21

"I'm a professional Bingo Coach...But I'm between sessions right now."

“I’m a professional Bingo Coach…But I’m between sessions.”

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Shore Thing

Jul 19

"These swimsuits draw attention to our wallets."

“This swimsuit draws attention to my beach tote.”

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The Truth Is Out There

Jul 17

"Nasa says they'll find us in 20 years? By then I'll be retired in the Carolinas."

“NASA says they’ll find us within 20 years? By then we’ll be retired in the Carolinas.”

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Jul 16

"When the pet sitter comes... Play dead."

“When the pet sitter comes… Play dead.”

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It’s July Somewhere

Jul 15

"Meanwhile in the Midwest - They're wearing jackets."

“That polar vortex is cray-cray.”

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No Benefits

Jul 14

"We have to pay for our own health, dental & eye plan? Wait a minute - we don't even have a face."

“We’ve gotta pay for our dental & vision plans?  But we don’t have faces…”

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Jul 11

"Find your true topping."

“Find your true toppings.”

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