Bar None

“Barnum’s Animal Crackers are now cage-free.  We’ve got cage-free boarding, but our dog treats are still locked up on the counter.” 

Do The Waive

“NYU Medical school is waiving tuition for their students. Hope my doctor waves a $730.00 bill for 37 seconds of not listening.” 

Reality TV

“She taped it, he tweets. Calls her a ‘dog’ and a ‘lowlife’ – now the campaigns’ gonna sue.  Not the Real Housewives of New Jersey – It’s the real politics of Washington.”

@The Diner

“All burgers are served with fries, slaw, onion rings and a pickle. There’s your vegetable-centric dish.” 

Burned

“California’s wildfires have been devastating; toxic smoke, toxic ash, and now toxic tweets.” 

Gas Up

“They’re rolling back fuel efficiency standards –  Because gas-mileage and clean air are so overrated.”

It’s Plastic

“Plastic straws and plastic bags are banned. But a temporary restraining order issued for           3-D plastic guns. Is it just me?”