Category: Job

Fair & Off-Balanced

"Our ethics team discovered the muffins were in fact, not all gluten free."
“We’ve got a few fairly honest employees who aren’t too busy Friday afternoons – That’s our ethics team.”


Jobs Reporter

"Here's my final jobs report of the year - still don't have one."
Here’s my monthly jobs report – Still don’t have one.”


Work Life Imbalance

"Corporate wants us to change employee behavior, so who wants to be hall monitor this week?"
“A chronic complainer, gossiper and office snitch just got promoted… That’s one way to get rid of us older workers.”


Lose The Landline

"One page, no ancient fonts, an email address - You need to make your resume look young."
“Your outdated email address, fonts and pages of employment history make you and your resume look too old.”


Business Weak

"You're professional, experienced and a team player - Which isn't a match for our organization."
“You’re professional, experienced and a team player – Which may not be a skills match with our organization.”


Overheard Over 50

"Fourteen million new jobs - and not one for anyone over 50."
“Fourteen million new jobs – and not one for anyone over 50.”


National Boss Day

"I don't do facetime."
“I don’t do face-time.”


Hire Power

"Since you already know you're not hiring me, please reject me this week -- I hate waiting for never."
“We both know you’re hiring someone else- But thanks again for the false hope.” 


HR Hell

"So, your hopes and dreams are just finding a job?"
“What was the best part of your career when you had one?”